Some says 'Go with the Flow'...

But what if the 'flow' obviously isnt taking to where you want to be? what would you do.


I was born in 1987 and have since been 'going with the flow', eventhough the flow isnt as smooth or as clear as I planned it to be but I kept on 'riding' it. Hoping that someday I will be where I wanted to be. But now I think Ive been riding a different current flow and its impossible to go back. I thought I was on the right track all along until now...

You know when you were just in middle school or high school, when people would ask you what you're going to do after graduating or what you'll be, you would always know what you're going to be and what you're going to do. Well at least I did. I knew that I was going to be an engineer, either a software engineer or an electronics engineer.

Back then during my university years, I thought I had drew the 'perfect blueprint' for my future and all I had to do was just execute it. After getting my degree and my first job at an international semi-conductor production company everything went so well up until, my dad had a stroke. His left brain was defected, his movement were limited because of it. I was living in a different State when working with the company. And when that happened I took a month off from work to look after him and eventually after he wasnt showing any improvement at all, I decided to quit my job, move back home and focusing on my dad's healthcare. I used all the money I had arranging meetings with a few neurosurgeons and buying medications for my dad.

It was a huge turning point in my life. we all have that dont we. that turning point where your life just went 360. Maybe your is different from mine but still that one common point where you just do it after evaluating every possible solution and you would just have to take the risk. Some people did it to reach for their dreams. Some did it to make a change in life. And in my case, I did it to save my loved ones.

So 3 years have past.

Now, I have a new job. Working in my hometown. And it had nothing to do with what I studied in college but I cant complain, the salary is quite good... better infact. But the down side, its just not as enjoyable and exciting as my previous job. Should I keep doing it? or quit. I dont know the answer to that question. Honestly I dont. I lost my 'blueprint'.



Should I just make a new one? a new 'blueprint', with a totally new 'plan and drawings'? Maybe I can consider that but I dont know if I will like the new 'blueprint' and if I have the energy to make a new one.
Im exhausted.

I just find it amusing so I put it up here

” 2 ∞ & → ” 

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My Brain Map

So If I had a brain map, I figure it might look something like this...

 

So lets look through a few. From the biggest portion to the smallest.

1. "I dont hate my job but Im not happy with it either, Should I find a new job? " - I think about this alot. I work 24/7 even thought I was  paid only to work 20 days a month. No overtime claim but I can convert my overtime with holidays but then again I cannot afford a holiday. Why? because no one can cover for me and by the time I'm back from my holiday I will have a bunch of angry clients to entertain because for them time is money and I don't blame them.

2. "My precious car and books" -  I love my car. I really really really love my car. Basically no one is allowed to touch the exterior of it and/or drive it. Can't help it, it's a guy thing. And as for my books, I love them as much as I love my car too but yeah I do let people borrow them. not just any people of course. My friends who I know will read them. I kept them in a special bookshelf.

3. "Where the hell is my day-planner" - I can never ever lose it. I use it to plan my daily schedule job. You see my job needs me to be organize and plan ahead of time (a month in advance).  The day-planner helps me know where I stand and what will happen within the next few days or months. Plus I've got a bunch of important numbers in it so its my lifeline. I know, I know I should keep the numbers in my phone. I have. The numbers on my day-planner is just for back up. Just in case. We must always have back up plan for worst case scenarios. 

4. "My buddies" - When Im not working, Im either reading a book or hang out with my friends. This two things keep me away from thinking about my work. Hanging out with them kept me sane. I love my friends.

5. "Cooking." - I am bad at it. So most of the time when I dont have time to get proper food I just eat instant food or order a take out. Its a habit now. I better fix this before I get some health disease or something.

6. "Jennifer Lawrence." - I love her in Winter's Bone but its not her acting that caught me. I have a crush on her sense of humor.

 

 

Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier

One of my all time favorite. Since the first time I read the book until now. I still remember the story even details....  I love it

Rebecca is one of the best books written by Daphne du Maurier. Daphne uses a narrator to tell her stories--- in the first person.Which is how I most enjoyed reading a book. I first read this book when I was 15 for a literature class. My teacher gave each students a different book to read and submit a review report on it. I got this book. An obedient nerd I was, I read the whole book in a day and submit my report on it. Most of my friends decided to copy paste book reviews from the internet and submit it. Should have done that too. haha.


I found that Daphne’s writing gets you hooked. You pick up one of her books to read and you can keep it down only after finishing reading it! Du Maurier weaves a beautiful web of mystery that holds you captive until the very end and that’s the kind of book I prefer to read when I don’t have time in hand!

Rebecca is a beautiful, haunting, gripping tale of love, hate and deceit. As you read it, you will feel the anxiety, apprehension and fear that the narrator describes and you get so involved with the feeling that you move through each chapter with an anxiety that only ends with the end of the novel. Daphne narrates all these feelings in the most simple but the most justified manner . Rebecca begins with the description of Manderly, a beautiful old mansion, with its menacing woods and rising turrets. It is characterised by the long winding drive. Manderly is the scene where the tale unfolds. The narrator is Max De Winter’s young and shy second wife.

The main characters of the story are Max De Winter (master of Manderly), Rebecca (De Winter’s late wife), De Winter’s second wife (who in now Manderly’s new mistress), Mrs. Danvers (the maid).

Now, Rebecca was drowned on a foggy evening< in a river very close to Manderly. Nobody knows how exactly she died---was it a suicide, was she killed, was it an accident? Max De Winter meets his second wife at a hotel. She is companion to a snobbish old lady named Mrs. Van Hopper who is very fond of playing bridge. They meet and fall in love inspite of a huge age gap. And they marry in haste barely eight months after Rebecca’s death. Shy, young, and vulnerable, the new bride is in total awe of Manderly. She is lively, full of life and everything that Rebecca wasn’t.

Mrs. Danvers, the maid keeps the memory of Rebecca alive by constantly referring to her in her conversations and making comparisons. She constantly reminds everyone that Rebecca is still the mistress of Manderly and is still the queen of Max’s heart. She preserves Rebecca’s room just as it was the night before her drowning accident.

Rebecca’s shadow looms large over the young bride. She is intimidated by Mrs. Danvers whose love to her dead mistress is very scary indeed! Certain events that take place at Manderly after her arrival. She sees Max withdrawing from her and himself. She begins to think that she can never make him happy like Rebecca did. Slowly, as the story progresses she and concludes that her marriage is a failure. We can feel her pain, sorrow, fear, and all the other emotions---hrough her eyes we can see the web of deceit, hatred and love that entangles Manderly and all the people who are part of it---all of it is well described by Daphne!

Rebecca’s little sailing boat is found with a skeleton lying on the cabin floor. Doubts begin to rise and that raised many question, whos is it? Was someone else with Rebecca when she died? Who was that? Was that a man or a woman? Then the shocking revelation and the truth about Rebecca, her death and what really happened that night, eight months ago comes out into the open.

To reveal more would be destroying the magic and charm of reading this book. So read on and enjoy the magic of Rebecca created by Daphne. 

The Rock

There’s a low rock wall
By the cliffs of Mohàr
Runs from down on the ground
Right up through the sea air
As a child I would climb
To the top of those stairs
And wish on the fog
I was anywhere else

The farms and the valleys
Are ringed with the stones
Of the men who built walls
So’s to be more alone
All that’s left of them now
Are their fears and their bones
But the rocks they pulled up
Were all I’ve ever known

The Rock fought my spirit
The Rock fed my anger
The Rock broke my heart
Like the waves of the sea
I tried hard to fight
But it still grew inside me
This island
My Ireland
The Rock is in me

Hard was the ground
In which this child grew
Unforgiving and cold
Was the home that I knew
But knowing the soil
Holds no harbor for you
Makes pulling up roots
That much easier to do

Set sail!
Young pilgrims
Set sail to a new land
Set sail!
Our future
Is out there to find

Now it’s been years
Since I’ve been in that place
And the winds of my life
Have all weathered my face
But it’s only with distance
And the coming of grace
That I see in you beauty
I could never replace

The Rock forged my spirit
The Rock was my anchor
The Rock held me fast
Through the storms of my youth
Now you’ll never die
‘Cause you live on inside me
An oileán seo (This island)
Mo h-Éireann féin (My Ireland)
Li-li-li..

I had that scribble on the back of my day planner book (yes I use a day planner to organize my work and everything. old school I know but I find its neat and simple :) Its very personal to me. It reminds me of my old man. Rough man he was. I used to hate how he pushed me and let me struggle with whatever he put me through, tell me what to do and what not. I was never brave enough to object him although I was all cursing inside. I just kept it in me. I thought that somehow someday if I kept it like that it might be toxic to me and that I might blow up.. someday. But that 'day' never came. 

Why? what happened then?. (you asked?)

Well.. I dunno. I guess somehow, at some point, when I was growing up, I was able to reflect. I somehow realize what my old man was doing. When I reached 15, all the nagging were slowing down. I thought it was because he was old and tired. And it stopped when I reached 16. From then on he showed all the faith he had in me.

He was as tough and firm as a rock. He taught me how to be strong. 

He was The Rock.

So I didnt figure it out...shoot me. 5

 No it isnt.

I had trouble coming up with my 1st post 'title'. My first thought was 'My First Entry', but i figured it was too plain and when I type and read it again I was like, 'duh?!!'. So I just leave it blank up until now (literally up until what Im typing right now.. I might figure the title later or if I wont figure it out up until the last word on this entry then I might just leave it blank).

Ive started reading 'I've Got Your Number' by Sophie Kinsella.1  Finished Divergent 2 days ago and I thought this time I'll go with a different genre. (Ive been reading ONLY YA novels for the past 3 months. And I have 'Matched' lines up after this book.) I've read almost all the novels she has wrote under her pen name 'Sophie Kinsella' from Shopaholic Series 1st novel to Shopaholic and sisters and when Becky Bloomwood gets married, Can you keep a Secret?, also The Twenties Girl.2

I just love her style of writing. Sophie Kinsella is like THE J.K Rowling of Chick-Lit. I haven't finished it yet. You see Im not the type who rushed novel-reading, Id like to take my time and really enjoy it. So far I like it. Maybe not as much as 'Can You Keep A Secret?'.3

That maybe because Ive read a few of her previous books now that I found this book to be predictable. One special touch that made her writing different this time was probably the 'footnotes' that she put through out the novel.4

Well, Im on the fence on that. Sometimes I find it unnecessary but sometimes I just LOLed reading the footnotes... and then after that scrambling my eyes off to find where Ive last read before my eyes trailed down to figure out the footnotes. By now you should get the idea haha.

So now Im going to continue reading during my flight back home. I hate flights, did I tell you that I hate flights? I enjoy flights when its for a vacation but when its for work. I hate it  : )

 Why the photo you asked? I just felt like putting it here.  : )

1. Yes I read 'Chick-Lit' genre. Why the footnote you asked? Read the novel and you'll figure out why.
2. Becky Bloomwood is The 'Shopaholic' by the way for those of you who havent read the series.
3. It was the very first Sophie Kinsella's novel that I read.
4.  Yes? have you found it either amusing or annoying so far?
5. Turns out you cannot leave the title blank lol